Stars: They're Nothing Like Us: (The While You Were Stuffing Your Face During the Super Bowl Edition)

The Super Bowl. Perhaps the most-watched annual sporting event in the country. Everyone has their own little Super Bowl traditions -- mostly involving boatloads of junk food and booze. Now we Minnesotans are a little soured on the Super Bowl this year. Brett Favre was supposed to be our saving grace after decades of being almost good enough. In fact, according to Wikipedia, the Vikings have the most NFC or AFC Championship game appearances (9) without a Super Bowl title. And the tradition continues. So perhaps that is why I did not end up getting invited to any Super Bowl parties this year -- perhaps everyone preferred to just watch the game and get sulky-drunk at home in their underwear. Normally I do a best-of Ad It Up after the big game, but because there were no Super Bowl parties, I did not even end up watching it. The only thing I did catch was the very embarrassing half-time show featuring washed up rockers lip syncing to their own songs. Since my Super Bowl experience was less than stellar this year, I must live vicariously through others (and by "others," I really mean famous people that I don't know who have lifestyles that I'll never experience).

So, what were stars doing at the Super Bowl this year?

Kendra Wilkinson Was Crying Her Eyes Out:

Rumors that The Girl Next Door (former Hugh Hefner girlfriend striking out on her own) reality star was upset that her husband botched the big game sprung up after this picture leaked out. She swears on Twitter that she wasn't crying about the game but that the paparazzi wouldn't leave her alone.

Kim Kardashian Was Rubbing it in Kendra's Face:

Unlike Kendra Wilkinson, Kim Kardashian picked the right team player to date. Her BF was a superstar in the game and Kim even got to hang out on the field with him afterward.

Brangelina were PDA-ing:

EEEEEEEWWWWWW.....wait a minute -- kinda hot! Or are they just putting on a show to cover up all those rumors of them splitting up? If you look really closely, you can see the sly look on Brad's face, eyes half open and kind of smiling as if to say, "check this out, paparazzi!" And Angelina looks a bit uncomfortable, not really sure where to put her hand as she pretend to make out with Brad. But maybe I'm reading too much into it.

The Who Were Hoping That Their Light Show Would be Cool Enough That "the Kids" Wouldn't Notice How Old They Are:



And there's more...



Finally...

Heidi Montag Was STILL Desperately Trying to Get People to Pay Attention to Her:

Heidi Montag got a ton of plastic surgery recently and is CONSTANTLY dealing with it. First we had to hear about how she made this decision because she is either addicted to plastic surgery or she's making some sort of feminist statement about how her husband can't control her plastic surgery habits or something to that effect. Now, go figure, she's discovering that having bigger boobs and higher cheekbones doesn't really make her more happy. I just don't understand why this has to be the entire world's problem. If you want to cling to your fame, fine. But don't unnecessarily vicitmize yourself! Sigh. Only Heidi Montag would attempt to upstage the Super Bowl!

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (Big Brother is Watching)

Now that we are past our 2009 nostalgia, The Blogulator is ready to put the old year to bed and start focusing on 2010. For the first truly 2010 post, I am going to bring out the conspiracy theorist in you. So put on your tin foil hat and enjoy the ride!

You know how you do things when you think you're alone that you'd never do if you knew people were watching? Like cook dinner naked or fart really loudly...

...or take a bath outside on your front lawn? Observe below:

The first big lesson that we have to learn from celebrities in 2010 is that Big Brother really IS always watching. And I don't mean that crappy reality TV show (that surprisingly lasted 12 seasons - just in the U.S.!) that no one has watched since the first episode. What I mean is that someone really is watching you and your home at all times. Someone knows when you shovel your driveway or paint your house. Someone knows when you have company over and where you park your car at night. Via satellite technology, someone has constant surveillance on you. And that someone's name is Google.

The man in the picture above, Flaming Lips member Wayne Coyne, probably thought it would be a great time to bathe outside -- no one around but that creep who looks like he's strolling by just a little too close to the tub -- but Mr. Coyne underestimated the omnipresent Google Maps Street View. Google Maps' "street view" function did seem like a very novel idea when it first came out, and slowly but surely we are all surrendering our lives and pledging allegiance to the Google Corporation. For now it's watching our homes from outer space, but what's next? Google Maps Pedestrian View? Google Maps Home Interior View? Google Homes Bedroom View?! Ah! But then again, its usability and convenience and groundbreaking new functions are sooooo worth my lousy personal freedom!

Wannabe Stars: They're Nothing Like Us

Oh, the things people will do to get on TV! As the resident celebrity blogger here at The Blogulator, I have remained pretty silent on two very important - we'll call them "incidents" - that have gone down recently that now I believe may be the marker of a new incarnation of fame-chasing. I am, of course, talking about the "Balloon Boy" hoax and the "White House Crashers" security breach. And though it has yet to be proven that the White House party crashers were indeed uninvited guests of the state dinner, both incidents are surrounded by speculation and accusations of intentionally breaking the law in order to get famous.

Is this the new way to get on TV? First, people had to pack up their lives and move out to Hollywood hoping to get their big break on the big screen. After the invention of reality TV, we poor nameless saps were injected with the notion that maybe everyone can have their 15 minutes. Then, with the coming of reality TV celebrities like Heidi and Spencer, those same poor nameless saps got it into their heads that they too can be uber-famous for doing nothing. All they need is the opportunity to get on TV and do something crazy, like wear a bikini for an American Idol audition or be a giant bee-atch to Donald Trump, and they'll go down in history.

So I guess it makes sense that now we're seeing desperate attempts by ordinary crazies to get their own reality television series, and even worse than that, the media is rewarding them for it. Here are the White House crashers on The Today Show:



I'm sure it is very "devastating" and "unbearable" for a couple of attention whores to have the entire country talking about their celebrity encounters and offering them interviews on one of the most viewed morning talk shows! What's even worse was the ridiculously boring 20+ minute interview of the "Balloon Boy" family on Larry King Live that Larry King obviously didn't even want to be present for:



The kid just admitted it was all a hoax and Wolf Blitzer didn't even flinch! No follow-up questions, nothing! And that's why you don't send Wolf Blitzer to do your interviews, no matter how boring and pointless you may think they're going to be. Maybe this all just goes to show that people will continue to be complete and utterly irresponsible a-holes to get what they want and we'll continue to give it to them. Sure, they may go to jail or have to pay a fine. But everyone will know their names -- or at least their headline names.

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (The Top 5 Voids Left By Oprah)

Like most of the country, last week I was in shock over the news that Oprah Winfrey decided to hang up her daytime TV mogul hat. For many people, this was the disappointment heard 'round the world since Oprah has been so influential in American culture.

By now, most of the conversation has turned to who will replace the woman who has who has told us what to read, who to like, and what to believe in 2011 when the show comes to its conclusion. I think we can all agree that Oprah's got some pretty big shoes and it would be difficult for one person to fill them. That's why I've determined 5 specific areas that we're going to need help with in a post-Oprah world and I've identified 5 potential replacements for her. Here are the five questions that are now keeping Oprah fans up at night...

1) Who is going to tell me what to read?

What better book club is out there than Oprah's? You get to discover inspiring books before everyone else; you can skip all the pretentious discussion groups; and Oprah is never going to call you out if you just skim the Cliff Notes or only look at the pictures! But in Oprah's absence I'd like the nominate recent Oprah guest Sarah Palin, who spent a good portion of her interview proving that she does, in fact, read. Plus, as a maverick, you know she'll 'go rogue' with her book selections.



2) Whose weight is going to yo-yo on national television, thereby showing women everywhere that they have inner beauty?

Oprah might be best known for her very public struggles with her weight, and I think there are a lot of women that I could recommend as the new role model in this area. But the Kirstie Alleys and Rosie O'Donnells or the world are lacking one thing that this next nominee has a lot of...unrelenting narcissism! I'm talking about Tyra Banks, of course. I just really don't think we're going to get anyone as gracious about her struggles with her body as Oprah, so I think the best strategy is to go with someone who is just not afraid to tell it how it is.

Tyra Banks already does so much to show us that no matter what we look like -- whether we're under 5'9" or if we're a pudgy size 6 -- we can all be models. You just have to overcome all of the obstacles that Tyra had to. Maybe she's a bit angrier than Oprah but she is building a healthy empire and she's not afraid to blindly ignore the hypocrisy of her own actions.



3) Who will create shocking Broadway musicals that will test our beliefs and push the boundaries on discrimination?

Oprah's huge success with The Color Purple is hard to deny. Finding someone to step up to the plate on this one kind of sounds like the next step for Tyra Banks, actually. But since I don't really see Broadway agreeing to let Tyra play every role, I'm going to nominate Adam Lambert. After his AMAs performance, I really think he's the one to finally bring gay S&M discrimination to the forefront of the equal rights movement.



4) Who will tell me who to vote for for president?

According to Wikipedia, Oprah has been credited with delivering over a million votes for Barack Obama in the 2008 Democratic primary. Being the most influential woman in America, I sincerely doubt that any other person besides Oprah could pull off something like that. But I think that it's just important to have a politically-minded person fill that role, so I'd like to nominate former America's Next Top Model winner, Saleisha. Now that the thought has crossed her mind to vote, I'm sure this Cover Girl and 2008 first-time voter will not only keep up on her politics but actively support her candidates.



5) Who is going to give away cars and other fancy prizes to audience members?

Octomom -- only she'll be giving away kids instead of cars. Yeah, the present is half the fun and twice the responsibility, but she's got an overabundance of babies and a great fertility doctor so she'll be a consistent supplier of door prizes. And she's been begging for TV time, so it's a perfect fit.



Oprah will be missed, but if all these celebrities do their part and use their newly found talents to fill in the gaps then America will be alright.

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (The Ga Ga for Science Edition)

Here's a possible recent conversation between Lady GaGa and her stylist...

L.G. -- Hey super crazy stylist who may or may not be smoking meth when you make my costumes! I was just asked to perform on SNL this Saturday and I need a new outfit.

Stylist -- Wow, that's great. Let's see, you've already been a fake-baked Pikachu, a bloody tampon, slutty Little Red Riding Hood, a cheetah in a tiger-skin Slanket, a sexy stalker librarian, and a dominatrix hockey player. What else is there?

L.G. -- Plus, I've been a crow in a neck brace, Princess Leia up to her buns in crochette projects, and Courtney Love. I'm totally out of ideas.

Sylist -- Well, let's think. What really screams Saturday Night Live? Sat-ur-day. Satur-n-day. Saturn. Outerspace. Science! Let's do science something or other.

L.G. -- Hmmm...science? Will I still get to go pants-less? Because otherwise my grandma won't be able to see me.

Sylist -- We'll find a way...



As it turns out, science and fashion are a little awkward together. You would think that they'd make the gyroscope big enough to go around her head instead of smacking her in the forehead. It was especially hilarious when she couldn't sit down at the piano. Take that, Lady GaGa! That's what you get for needing to be eccentric for eccentricity's sake. Maybe next time you'll try a pair of jeans.

Presidents: They're Nothing Like Us

Does anyone remember The Animaniacs? Yes? Remember that segment they had called "Good Idea, Bad Idea?" If not, hopefully this will jog your memory:



Now that we're all on the same page, I'd like to try applying this whole "good idea, bad idea" concept to 1990's politics in light of an article I read this week. According to USA Today, there is a new book coming out about Bill Clinton's presidency based on a whole bunch of secret interviews he was giving during his time in office. (I know, I know, the obvious joke is 'that wasn't the only thing he was giving while in office'). Anyway, the book is called The Clinton Tapes: Wrestling History With the President and is based on the author's memory of the interviews he conducted that were so secret that Clinton wouldn't let him keep the tapes, but Billy Boy reportedly housed them in his sock drawer. So in the spirit of The Animaniacs, let's try a few "good idea, bad ideas" --

Good Idea: Keeping your secrets hidden.

Bad Idea: Keeping your secrets hidden in your sock drawer.

Maybe I'm the only one whose mind is going in this direction, but Bill Clinton gave 79 secret interviews during his presidency. Wouldn't that have to be an awfully big sock drawer to house them all? Also, at the point where you get your "secret interviews" transcribed, doesn't that kind of make them more vulnerable to becoming published? I mean, I am assuming Bill did not spend his evenings staying up till all hours of the night transcribing the things himself. Not to mention the fact that once you bring in a reporter, you gotta figure he's going to remember some of what you tell him. Their minds are like steel traps! We do have to give Clinton a break, though. This was the pre-I-made-a-sex-tape-and-never-thought-it-would-get-out-but-oops-someone-stole-it-and-posted-it-on-the-internet-or-sold-it-as-an-adult-video era. Perhaps he was just too naive to realize that you really shouldn't record all of your secrets and assume they'll never get out.

Ok, let's try another one...

Good Idea: Sending Boris Yeltsin to a diplomatic meeting at the White House

Bad Idea: Sending Boris Yeltsin out for pizza in his knickers after partying at the White House.

According to the article, part of Bill Clinton's interviews discuss what a hilarious drunk Boris Yeltsin is. Apparently, Yeltsin repeatedly tried to evade secret service agents while intoxicated, once while searching for pizza in his skivvies. Now I finally know what was missing from all of the house parties my college roommates and I threw. We had the homeless people sneaking into our basement without our knowledge. We had the mean punks who stole our stuff. And we had the nerdy theater kids with an undying passion for Derrida. What we really needed was a hungry, drunk, and mostly naked world leader. I bet we could have gotten ole' Boris to do a few keg stands with us or maybe do an air guitar solo if we had just made sure to keep the snacks coming.

That's all I've got for tonight, folks. I hope you learned some lessons today.

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (And This is Why You Don't Skip the Crappy Awards Shows)

You'd have to be living in a cave to have not heard by now the hoopla surrounding Kanye West's oops! on Sunday night. But in case you do live in a cave, here's a video to catch you up to speed (bear with the stupid commercials):

MTV Shows

And this is the perfect reason why there is no awards show too crappy to watch. You may think that you don't want to dignify a mediocre, made-for-tweens excuse of an awards show with one second of your time, but if nothing else you will be up to speed on the outrageous doings of desperate celebrities.

And now just about everyone, from the president...



...to awkward hipster teens who are secretly into strong female country singers...



...has something to say about Kanye taking the spotlight from poor, innocent, 19-year-old Taylor Swift. Was it stupid of him to jump up on stage, rip the microphone out of her hands, and praise Beyonce? Yes, of course. But it's not like we all weren't thinking it. I mean you really can't top Beyonce, especially not with super-generic sugary country-pop made for little girls. The video for "Single Ladies," was genius...which is why it won "Video of the Year." It just wouldn't be fair to let her win in both categories!

Even though it was very stupid of Kanye to pull a stunt like this, it's not entirely his fault that it happened. MTV definitely should have known better, between his track record at awards shows and his prep for this year's show on the red carpet:


Or maybe they wanted the extra attention for outrageous stage antics because it's the only thing the VMAs have over the Grammy's, and they really haven't had any good ones since the Madonna-Britney lipstick lesbian love fest of '03.

So what's next for Kanye? After he apologizes profusely enough to Taylor Swift and the American public for stealing their baby's innocence, perhaps he'll work on his plan to upstage Patrick Swayze's death. Perhaps he'll co-opt Inside Edition and declare that Michael Jackson had a much better memorial dance montage? Who knows.

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (Tribute to Ugly Celebrity Kids)

This week, I would like to cover the very important, but seldom discussed, topic of celebrities' ugly children. One would honestly think that this should never be an issue, but despite the fact that stars are some of the most beautiful people in the world, sometimes they make some pretty ugly babies. Here's a jumping off point for the discussion -- some of the celebrity kids that I think need a little help in the cuteness department:

Nichole Richie and Joel Madden (Daughter: Harlow Winter Kate)

Yes, that is a girl. A human girl. I know it's hard to tell if that thing is of our species or if your Cabbage Patch Doll came to life. If I didn't know any better, I would have guessed that a smurf and a troll had a mutual "I'm so weird-looking" self-pity one-night-stand that due to condom malfunctions, ended in pregnancy. Then, to conceal their forbidden love, they had to give their child to the one human with a face just smooshed-enough to pass for the mother. That's if I didn't know any better...

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott (Kids: Liam and Stella)

Neither of them are lookers, but I'm particularly interested in Liam. Stella just looks like a sad alien, but Liam is like a tiny grown-up. When you give your kid a name like Liam you are pretty much asking for it to have an old man face. Then, if you part its hair to the side, you're totally done for. You've got yourself an old man baby. Just look at him there on the left and tell me he doesn't look like a forty-year-old in a miniature body.

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson (Son: Bronx Mowgli)

It's really mostly the name Bronx Mowgli that I have a problem with, but you probably knew that already. Besides the name, though, this baby looks scared to death - as he should be if he's part of the Simpson family.

Bindi Irwin -- 'nough said

Something irks me about Bindi Irwin. I'm not sure if it's the 90's haircut, the safari clothes, or the fact that's she's gotten a ridiculous amount of airtime and press to do crappy rap songs about environmental conservation after Steve Irwin's death. I grant that it is not easy to be a poorly-dressed nature-lover with a dorky penchant for bad music and still get some press coverage. Good for her, I guess.

Adam Sandler (Daughter: Sadie)

Adam Sandler is a very funny man, but no one ever said he was very attractive. And while his unique look kind of works for him, he should never pass that face on to his kids -- especially not to a girl. It could be the 80's mullet little Sadie is rockin' that bring it out, but she looks exactly like a female version of Adam Sandler as a baby. It's kind of creepy, actually. Maybe Sadie will grow up to look more like her mom, who is totally hot, BTW. If not, man...

That's all I've got for ugly celebrity kids for now. I've got to admit that a lot of this list comes down to ugly parents and ugly haircuts. Those two things alone can outdo any famous connections one might have. Feel free to share your own thoughts on who is famous with unattractive children.

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (Jon - Kate + 22-year-old Pot Head - Responsibility)

R.I.P. M.J.

Just had to get that out there because Michael Jackson's death has been so inflated by the media that it almost seems insensitive to talk about anything else -- which, I guess, is a good metric for how important you are. If they gloss over a Supreme Court confirmation hearing for you, you know you've made it.

Not that M.J. isn't important, and it's not that I haven't been glued to my TV watching footage from the memorial, but it is time to pay a little attention to our other celebrity friends. It's time to move on with our lives. And what better way to start getting on with our lives than some good Jon and Kate gossip? Here's the latest headline from People:

"Jon Gosselin's New Girlfriend a 'Party Animal'"

How on earth does such a terrible father/husband and generally disgusting person in such a public role manage to ALWAYS escape the consequences of his actions? More than that, how does he always succeed in shifting the public blame to the women in his life?

When the whole raising your kids on television thing didn't end up being all smiles and magic, it was because Kate was so camera thirsty that she sacrificed her whole family's happiness to be famous. When Jon cheated on Kate, it was because Kate was such a hard-to-please bitch that she drove him right into another woman's arms. The other woman should have known better. And now, it seems like Jon's new girlfriend is already being set up as the fall guy for when things get bad. Here's the evidence presented against her (People):

"She's one of those crazy party animals," one source tells PEOPLE, adding that during her time at Indiana University, she never really had a steady boyfriend. "She would probably be that type of girl who would get on top of the bar and start dancing." Adds another source: "I've seen her dance with a stripper before at a party." As for her style, "She dresses interestingly," says the source. "It's pretty fashion-forward."

So now bitchy, jealous frenemies who like to speculate on a person's sluttiness count as "sources?" And not having a steady boyfriend means that you are an exotic dancer? The story is not entirely over-the-top, though. She was busted for smoking pot once and underage drinking once. Here's her mug shot from the arrest. She actually looks pretty good in it; she's even smiling. If Amanda Bynes grew out of her adorably clumsy phase, this is what she'd look like:

The pot arrest seems inconsistent with her "party animal" status, as I would have thought a "party animal's" drug of choice would be some kind of upper, but I suppose the press will take what they can get. Regardless, I predict right now that this "party animal" status will somehow become the source of Jon's mistreatment of his children. Just watch. In another week or so he'll do something irresponsible, like forgetting to pick the kids up from school, and it will all be because he was out too late getting high with his party animal girlfriend. The "Parents. The Anti-Drug." people would LOVE to make a dramatized television commercial out of it. Whatever happens, though, it will definitely not be Jon's fault.

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (R.I.P. M.J.)

If there is anything that has shaken the foundation of this country more than 9/11, I think it's the death of Michael Jackson last week. What a peculiar feeling to have the biggest pop star of our lifetime kick the bucket in such a relatively ordinary manner. Yeah, there were perhaps drugs involved, but when it comes down to it, this was not an obvious overdose. Nor was it a murder or a tragic car accident or any other death befitting a music icon. And perhaps it is more unsettling for M.J. to have a heart attack than a more dramatic death too. With all the crazy stuff that happened to him or because of him, you'd really expect more of his death.

So maybe that's why the world has gone completely nuts in the last week - they need closure. They expected more of M.J.'s death, and they intend to get it. The media frenzy is out of control with speculation on his death and the future of his estate. They're rerunning interviews with him or people related to him to demonstrate how crazy his life was. It's like the world is at a standstill. There is nothing to report that isn't somehow Michael Jackson related. But at what cost? What are we missing out on?

Here are a few things that were overshadowed by Michael Jackson's Death:

1) Goodbye Farrah Fawcett

Poor Farrah Fawcett. Hollywood pulled a mean trick on her when it comes to her death. She and the media worked so so hard to make her battle with cancer into a tearjerker for the public to remember for years to come. She had the television special, Farrah's Story, documenting for the world the traumatic struggle. She had the troubled son who got out of jail to see her one last time. And she had the last minute marriage proposal that kept us all rooting she'd pull through to tie the knot one last time. She did all the right things to be remembered, and then BAM, she gets upstaged. All we've seen in the news for months is Farrah's deteriorating condition and now hardly anyone remembers her name.

2) Governor Sanford Sex Scandal

Man, you couldn't ask for a better time to go public about your affair. People barely batted an eye when they hear that South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford was having a ridiculously long distance affair with an even more ridiculous cover story. I don't know what married adult man thinks that he can disappear to South America for a week and his wife won't notice. While Governor Sanford did get caught and will likely face an angry wife, the rest of the country could care less. We're all too busy worrying about who is going to get Michael Jackson's kids and whether or not his doctor could have called 911 quicker. It's like Sanford got away with murder - the perfect crime.

3) Goodbye Billy Mays

Who? Maybe it had less to do with M.J. and more to do with the fact that no one ever knew The OxiClean Man's real name. Still, you bump your head during a rough airplane landing and two days later, BAM - heart disease. If I were an infomercial salesman, I'd be pretty worried.

4) Jon & Kate Minus Each Other

Even two super bitchy parents clawing for the spotlight and exploiting their children for fame can't beat out the King of Pop. Granted, this is the man who had sleepovers with little boys and thought of himself as Peter Pan. But still, it amazes me how quickly J&K+8 was forgotten. Two weeks ago, you couldn't get through a single store checkout line without seeing some picture of Kate yelling at kids and driving her husband away with her bitchery. Maybe they'll get back together to turn the drama up a titch. That'll give M.J. a run for his money.

5) Violence in the Middle East

Isn't there some kind of violent protest/rally thing in Iran right now that we're supposed to or not supposed to be getting involved with? I wonder if they ever settled that one. Oh, well, I'm more interested in whether or not the crazy Gary, Indiana mayor will be able to persuade M.J.'s parents to send the body over for the stadium-sized memorial service he's decided to plan.

This whole mess is like a big train wreck that you can't take your eyes off of. I'm sick of it, but at the same time something is keeping me tuned in. Perhaps it's the lack of closure or perhaps it's just a good story. Either way, we may be missing a lot of other stuff going on in the world, but at least we'll be thoroughly entertained by tragedy for a while.

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (Rick Steves Edition)

I've been spending a lot of time with radio lately, mostly listening to Rick Steves' travel show. Now, for those of you who are not familiar with Rick Steves, he's the fun-lovin' Lutheran from Washington who writes all those guidebooks about Europe and hosts travel shows on public radio and television. And his radio show is just gosh darn great. When I listen, I feel like I'm in a church basement drinking watered-down coffee and eating some egg bake, laughing about the differences in different cultures. Seriously, I'm totally into it. So now I've got the travel bug and it seems like everything pop-culture that I consume somehow relates back to Rick Steves.

Jessica Simpson Caught the Travel Bug Too

Or maybe it's just the it's-so-unfair-that-the-media-called-me-fat-that-only-a-new-reality-show-will-vindicate-me bug. As a follow-up to her infamous fattie in high-wasted pants pic, Jessica Simpson has decided to do something about it. Starting in July, she'll be traveling all over the globe to investigate "The Price of Beauty" (also the name of her show). Actually, the show sounds really interesting. She's going to be reporting on different ideas of beauty in different countries and show the things they do to make themselves pretty. While she begins filming this summer, I'll be planning my exploitation of Brigitte and Qualler's cable for next year when it is supposed to air. The concept has a lot of potential, but I'm a bit apprehensive about VH1 putting it on and Jessica Simpson hosting. I think it could very easily slip into Rock of Love meets Tyra Banks territory. That could be very scary. But, as Rick Steves' would probably say, "you can't judge a book by its cover," so I will definitely be giving The Price of Beauty a try.

Violence is Never the Answer

Speaking of idioms probably used by Rick Steves, here's a great story about sticks and stones, etc., etc. Perez Hilton got "attacked" this week by a Black Eyed Peas manager in Toronto. I'm sure a lot of people in Hollywood are pissed off by Perez Hilton. He's whiny, annoying, over-the-top, self-righteous, vindictive, and so on. But as angry as he makes you, it is important to remain in control, because if you lash out you know he's going to be really really whiny about it. Remember: you are the adult in this situation. And he's kind of right, violence is never the answer, because some people will twitter until the police come at the thought of a fist fight. Here's a perfect example of why not to engage Perez Hilton in a fight:


***Rick Steves Warning: "Ooooh, be careful with this one here. There's a coupla f-bombs dropping. Plus, you always gotta watch out when you invoke the ratha God. Here we go with part two of the interview."***


So what can we gather from these videos? Well,

1. Perez Hilton has a little trouble remembering his own name

2. He thinks that it is customary to use air quotes or raise his voice when he uses words from the urban dictionary, like "agro," to describe his own run-ins with minorities.

3. Fergie is a musician AND a baseball player

4. Perez Hilton is a very functional shock victim

5. Will.i.am could have a very successful career as a bounty hunter

6. "Victim of violence" is a lot looser term than I had thought

7. When law enforcement fails, you must turn to the one thing that will protect you -- Twitter

8. If you tweet an emergency at 3:30 a.m. and you are a celebrity, people will be awake and they will call 911 for you

Now we can all have a Rick Steves chuckle at this misunderstanding. Next time you're in Toronto, get off the beaten path and hang out with the locals instead of that music awards show after party - and make sure you wear your money belt!

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (Another LiLo Scandal)

More Lindsay Lohan news this week -- which is probably exactly what she wants these days. As an attention whore in a dry spell, she must be going effing nuts. And apparently she is. Not that it is necessarily anything out of the ordinary for Lindsay to take scandalous photos of herself and post them on the interwebs, but OMG everyone, Lindsay Lohan took topless photos of herself in a wig and tweeted all about it.

I've got to give this picture a big "Meh" when it comes to shock value. Her goods are covered, so what's the big deal? I wouldn't even label it "not safe for work." Even Disney's The Little Mermaid had women using their hair as a bikini top. Now I don't know Twitter's nudity policy very well, but she could have done a lot better than this if she wanted to get more than the typo-infested bone Fox News threw her. Most Lindsay fans and followers scanning through her tweets probably wouldn't even ask themselves, "what's wrong with this picture?"

But this picture is just the icing on the cake. Cake filled with potential kleptomaniac scandals that involve $400,000 worth of jewelry. Lohan says she doesn't have anything to do with the missing diamond necklace and earings, but with a track record like hers (Kelly Osborne's purse, that Columbia student's fur coat) it was very stupid of Dior to lend her the jewelry in the first place. Fortunately for Dior, it would be very difficult for one of the most photographed people in the world to actually wear her stolen jems out in public. If it was Lindsay, she'll probably give it back sometime soon.

I do feel bad for her on some level. Lindsay's had a rough time in Hollyweird. But at least she can laugh at herself. If you haven't seen this Funny or Die video of her spoofing Eharmony yet, enjoy:

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (Coming Out)

Personally, I think American Idol needs to implement its own "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy. Or maybe it should just be a "don't tell" policy. Not because being gay should be kept a secret, but because quite frankly, it is embarrassing when Idols come out. Take, for example, Adam Lambert, the newest AI runner-up. Despite a fairly conclusive photo scandal of him kissing another man early on in the competition, Adam decided for some reason that now was the time to clear up those rumors. And what better way to come out than with an overly-sexual photo of yourself looking eerily similar to My So Called Life's Rickie Vazquez to grace the cover of newest Rolling Stone? Not only does this pic of Adam (lying in a pile of laundry?) resonate with a hot-homeless vibe, it is symbolic too. The belt of arrows all pointing in the direction of his crotch seems to be asking the question that the public has been yearning to know the answer to. Then there is the snake -- the ultimate symbol of temptation -- sticking its tongue out, also going for the crotch as if to say "sssssssex." Finally, the butterfly. I've got nothing on the butterfly. I have no idea why that would be there, unless it is a sparkly hair barrette meant to symbolize the unexplained sexual attraction little girls have to guys in eyeliner. Whatever is going on in this picture, it is clear that the main attraction here is this man's private parts, which ties in very nicely to the story about his sexuality. Very subtle, Rolling Stone. Very subtle.

Now you may be asking yourself why anyone would be shocked by this news since the photo scandal pretty much should have tipped everyone off. Well, one should never underestimate the power of 12-year-old girl crushes. It's pretty much the fuel that powers American Idol. So it should be no surprise that these tweens have the power to make or break reality. If they want to believe that you're still the one for them even though you wear make-up and kiss other boys, that becomes the truth. If they hate your guts and want you off the show, you bet they are going to form an army of text messagers to vote you off so fast your head will spin. It is no surprise, then, that someone could dodge the gay bullet for the duration of the competition and then bring it all back up after they lose to get a little more mileage out of their runner-up status.

It works. It's the time-tested Idol model. After you lose, come out of the closet so no one forgets who you are. Throw in a baby or a saucy photo and instant magazine cover.

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (The Twitter Edition)

Everyone's talking about the Twitter and the Facebook and the Myspace these days. They've been touted as the new, innovative marketing super-tools. One of my coworkers even called another coworker the other day about a "Twitter emergency" (read: he didn't know how to operate 'the tweeting'). Everyone is constantly talking about the possibilities of using Twitter as if the internet relaunched itself into 140 character blocks and the whole world is trying to figure out how utilize it all over again. Universities think prospective students are actually going to follow them on Twitter to learn about their programs. Businesses think that Twitter is a good way to advertise. And probably the least crazy of all, celebrities have used Twitter to propel themselves even further into stardom. Ashton Kutcher recently won a challenge against CNN to be the first Twitter account to get a million followers. Not that it was really a fair fight. I mean, who would you rather follow: boring news or celebrity lifestyles? Duh.




The price of admission of being a 'pioneer' in new technology is explaining to old people what the kids are into and how it's different from the technology they are used to. For example, why is Twitter restricted to 140 characters? Why don't you just send an email if you want to update someone on your life? Or what makes this 'social networking?' To really sell it you have to get them to be comfortable enough with the technology to do it themselves. This can be achieved by testifying that some other old person uses Twitter. That's where the graphics displaying that 'Larry King is on Twitter and so is Oprah!" come in. And to seal the deal you have to get someone who has just faded out of the limelight/possibly on the boarder of washed up to testify that the new technology is just like what used to be cool. P. Diddy is a good choice for Larry King because the older generation still think that he is cool, but he's with it enough to speak intelligently on the topic.

So Twitter has become so popular in a matter of months that even our parents' generation is using it. All of that being said, though, the writing was on the wall for total and utter sellout opportunities fairly quickly. The popularity of social networking sites simply grew far too rapidly. Two days ago, a pretty ambiguous article appeared in Variety Magazine outlining (sort of) a potential new reality series about Twitter that is supposed to put "ordinary people on the trail of celebrities in a revolutionary competitive format." Whatever that means. Though it was fairly non-descript, it was enough to put number one tweeter, Ashton Kutcher, on edge. They barely even said anything in the article - (it was practically short enough to tweet) - but it sent The Kutch into enough of a panic that he threatened to stop tweeting all together.

I wish I had more to report on this new reality series, but not many details came out about it. My prediction is that it's going to be fairly boring since I can't really imagine how a show could interestingly use Twitter for a watchable television show. Whatever it is, I certainly hope it won't rob the world of The Kutch's inside scoop.

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (The Feel Good About Yourself Because You're Not THAT Ugly Edition)

If television and movies can be trusted, then logic would dictate that "never been kissed" is a term reserved for geeky women who simply need to take off the braces and reveal their secretly super-hot inner Drew Barrymore to finally triumph over all those bitches who were keeping them down. But last week I learned something else about those who suffer a smoochless existence. Sometimes, they are actually mildly overweight, middle-aged women with caterpillar eyebrows and mop top haircuts even my grandma would laugh at. And sometimes, just sometimes, those women actually have something to offer the world.

Now you might be asking yourself, like much of nation is right now, "can ugly women really be talented?" Shockingly, the answer is yes. Yes, last week the world's collective socks were literally knocked off when the YouTube video of ugly duckling, Susan Boyle singing on Britain's Got Talent finally reached us across the pond. Check out the performance here:

Britains Got Talent 2009 Susan Boyle 47 Year Old Singer
Uploaded by kj1983

For extra bitchy eye rolls, check out the full version here: Susan Boyle. No embed, sorry.

For the first time since America Ferrera took to the screen we've come to realize that underneath those hideous exteriors, some fat/ugly/old/insert-insult-here women can actually perform jobs that we thought only hot people could do. I believe this is the very definition of the underdog: some crazy lady gets up on stage to do something that no woman looking like that should have the guts to do, bitchy eye rolls ensue as the crowd totally underestimates her, and then BAM - she blows you away with her angelic voice. Even Simon Cowell was fawning like a school boy (literally resting his head on his hands and sighing) while Piers Morgan swallowed the lump in his throat to avoid crying on national television and Amanda Holden did the only thing a hot actress can do when faced with a talented uggo - a patronizing standing ovation before the song is even finished.

So what does a post-Susan Boyle world look like? Is it as enlightened as we'd all hope? You be there judge. Here are some of the Boyle highlights from the past week or so...

Makeover, Makeover

Duh, of course the first thing you do with an ugly person is make them over. They may have won the crowd over once with that whole don't underestimate me schtick, but it won't last forever.

Match Maker

The next step is to try to pair an ugly person up with an equally ugly and talented person. Looks like Simon's already on that one.

Ugly People Impersonating Even Uglier People

Finally, it wouldn't be fame if some lame-ass comedian didn't make fun of you. Here's Jay Leno's uncanny resemblance.



I hope we've all learned a good lesson about our bodies today. Have a good day, folks.

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (The Scar Jo Soapbox Edition)

Believe it or not, there is a dark side to celebrity gossip. Shocking! Right? While famous people get to attend fancy parties and have designers gift them expensive, fabulous dresses, sometimes these people who make careers out of looking good on film are photographed when they're not on their A game. The rest of us should take comfort in the fact that even beautiful people look bad if a photographer slyly snaps one off when they aren't paying attention. We should realize that the wrong angles or lighting or personal struggles can make anyone look too thin or too fat or too ugly for their own good, etc. But instead, we hate on them. The thought process goes a little something like this:

-- Ok, I gained a little weight this year, but at least I'm not Jessica Simpson. Look at her being all fat in those high-waisted pants. Ha.

-- Oh, crap. Jessica Simpson lost the weight. Now I'm the fatty.

-- You know what, I think Jessica Simpson is too skinny. She needs to put some meat on those bones.

Yeah, we revel in celebrity low points and envy their high points. It's only natural. So when I read that Scarlett Johansson was upset that she recently came under fire for losing too much weight for her upcoming role in Iron Man 2, I initially thought, "Oh, poor Scar Jo. She doesn't like people calling her skinny, huh? That must be sooo tough." Not a whole lot of sympathy from me at first...but she actually has a surprisingly well-written article in the Huffington Post about the whole thing. She writes:

How are we supposed to view articles highlighting celebrity cellulite and not sulk in the mirror, imagining a big red arrow pointing to various parts of our bodies? The media has packaged for us an unhealthy idea that one must suffer loss, be in the middle of a nervous breakdown, feel pressure from friends or coworkers, battle divorce or have a bitter dispute with an ex in order to get into acceptable bikini shape.

Good point. Of course I agree with her, but it's difficult hear a Hollywood Hottie tell us regular folks not to hate our bodies. I mean, when Oprah tells me I'm beautiful no matter what I look like, I believe her. She's been there; she knows where I'm coming from. It's freakin' Oprah. But when an A-list eye-candy starlet does it, it's a bit harder to believe. I mean, if you make money by posing nude on the cover of Vanity Fair because you've got the perfect body, can you really get mad that the paparazzi is obsessed with your weight loss? Discuss...

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (The Lindsay is Back Edition)

Celebrity gossip has its ups and downs. It gets pretty crappy when everyone is focused on getting married and having babies, but then it has these come backs that smack you in the face with awesomeness. Like this week, for example, we got just a small glimmer of hope that the drugged-out bad girl Lindsay Lohan glory days just might return.

First, Lindsay and her girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, broke up last week. I haven't seen it yet, but I have a feeling that the press will fairly soon be wondering if this mean that Lindsay is straight again. That is, after this whole restraining order thing blows over. Apparently, Samantha's family is filing a restraining order against Lindsay because she had a freak out when she wasn't admitted to Sam's mother's party. And I don't blame them - if it took five bodyguards to hold her back from crashing the party, I would be terrified too. She may be a stick figure, but man is she feisty!

But Lindsay was not restrained from all party crashing last week. When God closes a door...he opens up a giant concert venue and YouTube. I can't possibly think of a worse place to have been last Thursday night than The Wiltern in Hollywood, where the trifecta of crazy came together for an amazingly awkward cover of Britney Spears' "Womanizer" by Lily Allen and Lindsay Lohan (kind of). As Lily bounced around all Flashdance-style in her spanky shorts singing a song that absolutely cannot sound good without over-processed vocals, Lindsay jumped on stage behind her wearing what can only be some sort of short version of a sorcerer's robe. After hugging the performer - mid-song, by the way - she stood at the back of the stage, looking awkward before slowly slinking away when no one paid attention to her. Here's the video if you can stand it. If not, the good part's about 3 1/2 minutes in:



So where will Lindsay go from here? Will we finally have some good gossip for a while? Who knows, but this blogger sure wants to find out!

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us

Real Men Wear Chick Clothes
Finally someone has merged three of the most badass clothing trends to create one super-style that I predict we'll see quite a bit of through this spring and summer. This outfit, a fusion of Braveheart meets homeless hottie with just a hint of Avril to compliment, is perhaps the most emasculating "suit" I've ever seen on such a hot, hot man. Regardless of how you feel about Gossip Girl's Chuck, you can't deny that Ed Westwick is a very good looking man - even (or especially?) in ladies clothing. I bet he didn't read his contract very closely or he never would have agreed to participate in the "Dressed to Kilt" fashion show in New York on Monday, hosted by Sir Sean Connery of all people. Or perhaps he didn't care about the details of the show after seeing that he'd be able to meet the best Bond actor ever.

At any rate, what's the point of a Scottish fashion show in the U.S.? I mean, I do see the occasional kilt around Uptown here in Minneapolis, but it's pretty rare and usually pretty weird. But then again, combine that crazy kilt with flannel patchwork and a cutoff sleeve blazer and you may have something there. Freaks all over the country will unite over their common love of the kilt, thinking to themselves, "finally, a fashion show for ME!"

Madonna with Child

I'm really loving this whole uproar about Madonna's new adoption adventures. Why is this a huge source of controversy, you may ask. Oh, I don't know - perhaps it has something to do with her being a celebrity who can just waltz into another country and adopt whichever kids she sees or likes with fairly little red tape, regardless of the child's family status. On her last adoption, Madonna was able to forego the assessment period required of adopting parents by the country of Malawi, where she adopted her last child and is attempting to adopt this one.

I guess this whole situation leaves me wondering why Madonna gets flack for doing the same thing that Brangelina are praised and exulted for. If they can be the saviors of poor nations' children all over the world, why not Madonna? Perhaps her "material girl" image has something to do with. Perhaps she should have behaved a little more back in the 80's - or perhaps that whole public Britney Spears kiss of death thing set her back. It's all about image, Madge!

But seriously, at her age, don't they recommend no more babies? She's 51 right now. By the time this kid graduates from high school she'll have been eating off the 55+ menu at Perkins for 10 years! Meh, I guess the payoff is that the kid will be one rich mother-effer when it grows up.

Now, Something the Kids Turned Me On To

In my travels to Austin, I conversed with a lot of people who are way more hip than I. Here's a little piece of their world that they were so kind as to share with me: the new YouTube craze, "Kittens Inspired by Kittens"



Have a great night, everyone!

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (The Big Fat Loser Edition)

Tuesday night TV is terrrrrrrrrrrible! After flipping through every one of the network channels last night, my best options were a) American Idol and b) Biggest Loser. Now, for the most part I really don't like reality television that doesn't include Tyra Banks so the choice was pretty tough. However, since I already filled my Seacrest quota for this year during the AI season premiere and there's only so much dream-dashing that can hold my attention at a time, I chose the latter. Plus, like most people who watch reality fitness shows, it makes me feel better about eating an entire bag of extra-extreme butter-busters popcorn and tons of beer for dinner.

Not a whole lot went down on Loser this week, but my evening of health-related activities got me wondering about why these fitness shows have become the latest television trend. Recent studies regarding fat American children ran through my head of course, but mostly I thought about celebrities. So I read my US Weekly to see what is going on with my favorite friends and share that information with you. And what better way to follow up two hours of watching average people struggle with weight loss and address the causes of the reality fitness obsession than to see which stars got fat so far in 2009:

Jessica SimpsonJessica's former trainer defended her weight gain by saying that she's healthy and curvy. I don't know why they quoted her former trainer cause clearly Jess and the press weren't happy with the results. I think they're being a bit too hard on Jessica and not critical enough of the fact that EVERYBODY looks fat in high-waisted pants! Combine that with a belt so gaudy that Atlantic City would be embarrassed to have you over, and of course you're not going to look very good.

K-FedHe claims it's "daddy weight" - if there is such a thing - but I don't understand that argument when it comes to celebs. Don't you have nannies to take care of all that stuff? Plus, the fat photo was taken while he was playing golf. Being a full-time dad sure it tough!

And of course, there's...Oprah
Poor Oprah. Everyone's picked on her about her weight for as long as I can remember. I thought she was doing so well, but I guess she recently reached 200 pounds. You'll bounce back, Oprah!

Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (Thanksgiving Edition)

This week is an easy one. Thanksgiving is right around the corner, which means all the turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie I can handle. And for the rest of the weekend: pumpkin pie for breakfast, turkey sandwiches for lunch, and a big pile of assorted left-overs for dinner. Mmmm.... Plus all the napping you get to do with as a result of that tryptophan coma. But most of all, as Thanksgiving Day approaches I am starting to make my list of things I'm thankful for.

1) I'm thankful that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are finally off the market

I'm not generally a big fan of young marriages, but in this case I'm willing to make a big exception for two people who really, really gross me out. Heidi and Spencer eloped in Mexico last week, much to the relief of everyone (and by everyone, I mean me). Finally, two of the biggest publicity whores on the planet are singing their swan song. Yeah, we're all going to have to hear about the surprise wedding for the next couple of weeks, but after that, I predict a lot of silence from the couple. For two people who don't really have careers outside of trying to get attention from the media, marriage is suicide. Maybe they don't realize it now, but what is going to keep our attention after this? A baby? I don't think so - they're married and of age. A divorce? Perhaps - but who would date either of them after that? They totally deserve each other. Yes, I have high hopes we will have to hear a lot less from Heidi and Spencer from now on.

2) I'm thankful that I don't have a dumb name

Bronx Mowgli Wentz. That is seriously what Pete and Ashley decided to name their newborn son. What's worse is that they announced his name on the Ryan Seacrest radio show - you know how I feel about Ryan Seacrest. Of course, they aren't the first celeb couple to give their kid a weird name (I'm looking at you, Gwyneth Paltrow). I've got to say, as much as I'd enjoy the inheritance aspect of being the child of a celebrity, I can be thankful that I my parents didn't feel the need to give me a stupid name just to be different or cool or something. Okay, back up a sec. I'm mostly thankful that my dad wasn't in some crappy emo pop band and my mom wasn't a talentless pop star who makes a ton of money...actually, that might have been pretty cool. Regardless, I'm not named Apple or Butterfly or Manhattan or some other name that most people reserve for places, things, or pets. I can be thankful for that.

3) Finally, I am thankful that I don't need MTV to clear my name

I feel like Britney Spears is the girl who cried comeback - she's had at least 3 or 4 in the past couple of years. How many "comebacks" does one person get? Not to mention, I don't think it counts if you haven't actually left the industry. And certainly, a comeback should speak for itself. It shouldn't have to be laid out for people explicitly in, say, a documentary film. Don't get me wrong, I most certainly will be requesting that my cable-subscribing friends record the new Britney Spears MTV documentary for me, it's just that I think she's had enough press regarding a comeback. I'd like to see more results and less whining about the "comeback" title. In general, I'm pretty thankful I'm not Britney Spears. Here's a little sample of what the Spears Comeback '08 looks like:

Happy Blogsgiving, everyone!

Stars (and Psuedo-Stars): They're Nothing Like Us

It's usually around this time of year that everyone is starting to feel pretty good. Winter hasn't quite set in yet. The holidays are coming up. You basically get a free pass to eat whatever the hell you want. You get to spend time with your family, and you get a lot of presents. And it's times like these, when you're feeling pretty good about yourself, that I think it's important to point out all the differences between you - Joe Six Pack - and famous people. For better or worse, here are three reasons why you're different from those sexy, sexy people you see on TV:

1) They're Allowed to Label Babies as "Hot"

Ok. It's not quite as sick as the totally inappropriate title suggests, but Forbes list of "Hollywood's 10 Hottest Tots" is still pretty bad. The list ranks celebrities' kids (under 5 years old) based on how popular they are in the media, though, a lot of it has to do with how popular their parents are - duh. Of course, as anyone could have guessed, Suri Cruise is number one since she's "known for her stylish outfits and haircut." How a 2-year-old could be credited for her sense of style, don't ask me, but clearly she's unknowingly got the media wrapped around her finger. Or maybe that's because her parents are kind of nuts. BTW, Katie Holmes is looking O-ld! I feel like we were just seeing her in films looking all Joey from Dawson's Creek not too long ago. Now she's got a mom haircut and bags under her eyes. She's like one of those people who turns 30 and looks like what a 8-year-old envisions 30 to look like.

Back to the babies. I feel kind of bad for the three (out of the six) Jolie-Pitt kids who didn't make the list. Hope they don't grow up with complexes about not being cool. Same thing with Britney Spears' second son. Well, he'll be screwed up enough. Making Forbes list is probably the last thing he'll worry about. What I think is most shocking about this story, though, is how many resources went into determining which celeb kid is the hottest. Forbes did a ton of research, hired a polling firm, and spent tons of money - as if readers would actually know the difference between a well-researched list and a completely b.s. one. That's what I'd call irresponsible excess spending. Trim the fat, Forbes!

2) People Try to Get Them in Trouble

I never get sick of Kanye gossip. And neither does the rest of the world. And because of this, Kanye West has a huge problem. Cameras assault him everywhere he goes. Now, some celebrities love the camera and are always welcoming the paparazzi. Others, try to hide or run or ignore them. Then there are the celebs who try to take the paparazzi on themselves. These people usually end up getting sued or arrested, just like Kanye did last weekend. Of course, Kanye is known for his spats with the media, which is why it didn't come as a surprise that he was accused of assaulting a photographer. But after he was arrested, they found out that the accuser is nothing more than the boy who cried wolf - apparently he has falsely accused other celebrities. Poor Kanye. When will he get a break?

3) They Will Carol At Your House For Free

Most people who Christmas carol these days are lucky if their neighbors even answer the door, much less, keep it open and actually listen to you sing. What I'm saying here, is that usually it is the caroler who is seeking out someone to perform for, but there is one guy who is turning the tables around. Julian Koster, founder of The Music Tapes and formerly of Neutral Milk Hotel (you know, the band that's always cited as an influence for indie rock bands even though they only made two albums - albeit, amazing ones), is asking YOU to invite him and his band to carol at your house. They're traveling all across the country on their caroling tour, and they'll be here in Minneapolis on Wednesday! Read all the instructions carefully on their website. Blog-u-readers, this could be your chance for a real, live, pseudo-celebrity to attend a party at YOUR house! That's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Take it.

I actually think this idea is genius. Logistically, it would only work with an indie rock band, but it would be a great concept for a bigger act who was willing to put in the time. First, it's uber-personal, which is what we're all craving in this mass-consumer, materialistic world. You just can't make someone feel more special than giving them a little face time. Second, caroling just doesn't happen as often as it should. In this world full of Scrooges, where's the holiday spirit these days? We need someone to bring it back. And finally, no one else is doing it. It's unique. Great idea, guys. Bra-vo!